Saving Grace
by justanothertwilightmom
Summary: After Edward leaves in NM, Bella must move on and find who she is. Angela becomes close and shares her beliefs with Bella. Finally feeling worthy, how will she handle it when Jasper comes to apologize? What has he been through? Can they be each other's saving grace?
1. Chapter 1

**I own absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. I just like to play with the characters. **

**This takes place just after Edward leaves in New Moon. A word of warning, if anything overtly Christian offends you, please back out now, because that is exactly where this story is going- and why it is listed in the "spiritual" category. **

**It is sad at the beginning. But that is where she starts out. We have to understand and feel her pain before she can start to deal with it. Angela is going to be her "sun" instead of Jake. I do not intend to make any of the Cullens "evil", if it happens later it just does, but that is not the intent. Jasper will probably not enter until Bella is at least on the way to finding herself. I may be slow, but don't give up on me!**

**Kris**

Bella

_He is gone. He is really gone. _This thought, and this thought alone races through my brain. After trying for so long to follow him, I have finally given up and laid down in the dirt and debris of the forest floor. I think I have scratched myself while running wildly through the forest trying to catch..._him_... because I do feel stinging sensations over my body. My lungs burn due to the way I ran after..._him_... as if even if I were not the clumsiest human alive I would ever be able to catch up.

My heart hurts. This pain in my chest, that has nothing to do with any physical pain I may have acquired while pursuing my love, this pain just hurts so bad. Who knew that heartbreak was a true, physical pain? I always thought it was just emotional, never having suffered it before. But it is not. No, it feels as if a cannon were right in front of me and just blasted a huge hole in the center of my chest. I look down expecting there to be some visible sign of my pain. Surely if something hurts this bad it will be visible to the eye? But nothing is there. Just my beat up jacket, which has several more rips in it than it did before. Alice is will never let me wear it looking like this.

Alice...

The hole in my heart opens up more now. If anything, it has gotten bigger. _He_ said that they were all leaving. Actually, I think he said they already left. He alone stuck around to humor me with a goodbye. My best friend. My love. My life. My family. My... everything.

Curling up in a ball and wrapping my arms around my legs I stare up at the canopy. I do not know exactly how far into the forest I am, but I can not hear any cars or other noises so I assume I am far from my home. He left me close to the house, I guess he intended that I go back to my house when he was done. Stupid me, I can not even do a break up correctly. No wonder it was so easy for him to leave, for him to pretend to love me, for all of them to pretend to love me.

Through my sadness, a brief flicker of anger coursed through me. Was I just a joke to the entire family? I guess that would make more sense than to think that they actually cared for me, especially if this is the way they were taking themselves out of my life forever. My second 'parents' really did not need another child, after all, they had the others. What I had thought were bonding experiences with Alice while shopping, though I loathed it, might have just been her attempt at either having a life size dress up doll, or getting to dress and tell someone what to do since she herself would never have a child. Emmett, with his joking and carefree attitude, was he really laughing 'at' me and not 'with' me all of those times he got such a kick out of my humanness and unnatural clumsiness? I suppose I should be grateful for Rosalie and Jasper, they at least made no attempt to pretend to like me. I thought they were the snobbiest and scariest of them all. However, looking back now maybe they were actually the most truthful of the entire family. At least they did not pretend.

Somewhere in my subconscious I realize that although I can not see the sky through the leaves, it has gotten significantly darker. With the dark came the cold. Shaking in my light jacket, I can not help but wonder if it is from the cold, or just shock that he always expected me to go into after dealing with mythological creatures.

_Ed_... him... even after everything he said it still hurts to think about him. Scrunching my eyes I try to ignore what I see, but there is no way around it. All I can see is his hardened eyes, his cool demeanor. Was he that good at pretending to love me? I know I have never done this before, but was I really that easy to confuse? Then again, he did have weapons on his side that any other mere boy would not have.

His love might not have been true, but mine was, mine is. How do you force yourself to stop loving someone? How am I supposed to let go? How do I forget?

No matter which emotion I choose, the sadness or the anger, either way this hole in my chest is still there. Rain begins to trickle down through the leaves and land on me. It is cold, but I feel colder inside. Shivering, wet, eyes shut, I just keep thinking...

_He's gone..._


	2. Chapter 2

**With the holidays and everything, it seems like my update schedule on this will be once a week. It is a side project, but a really important one to me. **

**I want to thank everyone who signed up for story alerts. I really appreciate it! I am trying to dramatically improve my writing skills. Therefore, if you have any constructive criticism, please send a review my way. Later on down the line I will probably give options as to how certain characters will come into the story, and I look forward to hearing your feedback on that as well!**

**I am trying for more of a 3rd person omniscient (?) POV in this chapter. I think that is correct. Anyway, if you have a preference of reading it like this, or directly from Bella's head herself, please send me a review or message. **

**Once again I own absolutely nothing, except my strange little plot that I am making Stephenie's characters dance to. **

**Chapter 2**

When Bella awoke the next morning she was stunned to see the sun swarming through her window. Sunny days in Forks were few and far between.

Stiffly, she slowly sat up in her bed to look around. When had she come home and gotten in her bed? How did she even get home? She tried to think about what happened last night, but after falling down on the ground she drew a complete blank.

His face. His cold eyes. No love. No emotion at all.

_I don't want you..._

She shook her head to clear it and stood up. If _that _was all that she could remember, then she did not want to remember anything at all.

Bella stumbled her way to the bathroom to take a shower. Whoever managed to get her home had obviously let her lie down still covered in all of the debris from the forest floor. She saw herself in the mirror and let out a gasp. Knowing that she felt dirty was one thing, but seeing what she actually looked like was totally different.

It was not the dirt or the leaves that shocked her, or even the scratches along her skin from where she ran after him, but the far away look in her eyes. The sadness, hurt, defeat, and complete lack of worth was apparent to her. Nothing was there. Suddenly she hoped she would never see anyone ever again. If her unworthiness was this obvious to her, then everyone else would be able to see it also.

Stepping into the shower a horrible thought ran through her mind and stopped her in her tracks: what if everyone else already knew? What if everyone else already knew that she was worthless, and that she was so pitiful she was just now figuring it out when the whole world had known the entire time? She let the painful sobs go through her body at this new revelation while the water ran over her skin, carrying her tears down the drain.

"Bells, are you up?" Charlie's voice carried up the stairs.

It was around noon. She had made her way back to her room after all of the hot water ran out of her shower. Dressed in sweats, she simply lay on her bed and stared into nothingness.

"Yeah, Dad." She managed to croak out, hoping he would hear her. Her throat hurt too much to yell down the stairs like she would normally do, and she really did not want him to come up to her room and see her like this.

"Someone is here to see you, Bells."

She sat bolt upright in bed, tears springing to her eyes. No one could see her like this! She did not want to see the pity in anyone's eyes.

She jumped off the bed and stumbled as quickly as she could to her bedroom door to lock it in a panic. However, the door swung open just before she reached it.

The person standing there was eye to eye with her. Bella unwillingly looked up to meet the person's eyes. Contrary to what she expected, she did not see pity, nor did she see what a small part of her had been afraid of: a sneering, mocking attitude because she finally realized exactly how insignificant she really was.

No, this person's face did not hold those, but did have a sadness for her, but beyond that there was friendship, and hope.

"Bella..." Angela whispered softly as if she thought speaking any louder would break her friend. She walked in the room and wrapped Bella in a warm, gentle hug.

Bella broke down crying once again. Angela was her friend, but she had practically shut everyone out of her life for the Cullens, knowing as she did that she could not have both worlds, humans and vampires. Yet now Angela was here when she needed someone most.

Charlie watched the two girls from Bella's bedroom door, then closed it and slowly made his way down stairs. Mr. Webber, Angela's father and the local minister, was there last night when the search party returned and brought Bella home. He said how upset Angela was to hear Bella was missing and asked if she could stop by to visit her after she had time to rest. Now Charlie was hoping that Angela would be just what Bella needed- a girl friend to talk to. He knew that he had not had the best of relationships, and was not one to go to for advise, but the way Bella lost herself in her first boyfriend did not set well with him. She needed someone to teach her how to be Bella again, and how to find her worth that did not include being attached to anyone for it.

He turned on ESPN and hoped that Angela was the first step in a new direction for his daughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well kiddos, real life did what it does best, and interrupted my own little world where I can read and write all I'd like to. That being said, I was able to spend some time ALONE at the library today and I wrote this. It is not edited except for the things I changed while I typed it up, so there are bound to be multiple errors. It does not exactly end where I wanted it to, but the next chapter will pick up right there. Still no Jasper in this chapter, and probably not for at least 2 more. I think Bella kind of needs to get all of her ducks in a row before I scatter them to the wind. **

_**Saving grace saving grace saving grace saving grace**_

Angela held her sobbing friend for a solid hour before Bella started calming down. Angela had known that Bella and Edward were inseparable at school, but apparently they were a lot closer than she thought. They had been dating less than a year, although when you are in High School that seems like forever to the heart of a teenager.

Looking at her broken friend in her arms again, Angela decides that her initial assessment was not totally correct. Bella must have loved Edward very deeply to be this hurt, but if he is the one who broke up with her and left her in the woods there could be no way his feelings were the same as hers. What kind of boy takes a girl out of her home for a walk in the woods to break up with her? Did he break up with her? Or did he just tell her that the family was moving and he did not want to pursue a long distance relationship? She had so many questions, and the only person who could answer them had not spoken a word since her arrival.

_**Saving grace saving grace saving grace saving grace**_

Bella clung to Angela as if her life depended on it, and in a small way, maybe it did. At this moment she needed someone- no matter how hard that was to admit- she did. She yearned for her scatter brained mother in that moment. The lady could not run a household to save her life, but she was really good with emotions and would have held Bella as she cried, rubbed her back, and told her "everything in gonna be okay", whether or not it was actually true, because sometimes that is just what you need to hear. Although Bella was very much like her dad, not being overly emotional or affectionate, she was still a teenage girl, and at this time Angela's warm embrace and soothing words were helping Bella to feel something real, something tangible, that someone else did care for her.

She straightened up and used her sleeves to wipe her eyes. Looking around she noticed they were both sitting on her bed, although she did not remember them moving there. Breathing a deep sigh she turned to Angela, although not looking up to meet her eyes, and said the only thing she could.

"He's gone."

"I know," came Angela's soft reply. Bella looked into Angela's eyes and could see the curiosity burning in them, but Angela was not a nosy person and would never ask more than someone was willing to share.

"The family?" He told her the family was moving on, but she had been so out of it that she did not know when or what the "official" cover story was. Wasn't that rather absurd of _Him_, to leave his loose end behind and not even tell her what the story was supposed to be? Everyone knew she was always with the Cullens, they would expect her to know such things, even if she did not want to talk about it.

"They left the same day that..." Angela's voice trailed off. "I guess he told you, but his dad, Dr. Cullen, got an offer for some big hospital in California."

"Hmm..." Bella replied, knowing full well that they would never move there due to the sunny weather. Apparently they did not want anyone to know their real whereabouts. What, did they think the puny distraction would track them down?

"Tomorrow is Monday," Angela started, while looking down and picking at her jogging pants. "Do you feel up to going to school?"

Bella had to think about that. Truthfully she had forgotten what day it was and the prospect of going to school alone terrified her. She had given up all of her friends for her "family", and now that they were gone how ungrateful would it look of her to come crawling back to them? Would they even accept her?

"I would be glad to drive you, if you'd like."

Bella looked up at Angela and smiled, for the first time since _that _day. "You would do that for me?"

"Of course I would!" Angela beamed back, happy to see the smile on Bella's face. "We have several of our classes and lunch together, so I will be with you most of the day anyway. I know people will talk and gossip, but I will stand with you."

"I, I mean, I.. I don't know what to say, Angela. I feel as if the last few months I have been a horrible friend to you, well, all of you, and here you are, being so nice to me..."

"Nonsense, Bella, I am just treating you the way I would want someone to treat me. My dad is a preacher. You know, that whole 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'?" The last line was said in an almost exact replica of Angela's father's voice, and had both of the girls slightly giggling.

"Thank you, I'd like that. I think I am going to need a buffer of sorts. I don't really want to talk about it now, but one day I will. Until then I know people will gossip. They always do anyway, but since this involved the Cul-, um, them, it will be worse. Not to mention they all probably know I was lost in the woods..." her breaths started coming faster and shallower.

The woods...

The darkness...

"_You are not good for me, Bella..."_

"Bella! Bella, look at me!"

She looked up at her friend, took a long ragged breath, and let it out slowly. "Angela, are you sure you want to drive me? If I break down I won't be very good company."

Angela wrapped her arms around her friend. She was crying again, although not the gut wrenching weeping that she did earlier. "I'll talk with our dads and make sure it is all okay. Besides, if anything does happen and you do need to leave I think your dad would feel better if you were not driving, and not alone."

"I feel alone. How can you stand me, Angela? When was the last time we talked? Do any of my other friends even like me anymore? I was so careless, cutting out everyone in my life for one family, just to have them leave me like I was a stray cat they didn't want to bother with when they moved!"

"I am your friend, Bella. Although it is true that you made some unwise choices, we are just teenagers and this is when we do that. Just learn and grow, and try not to repeat the same mistakes again. As for your other friends, some were a little hurt that it seemed you forgot them, but they still care for you. And those that don't were never your real friend in the first place." Angela scrunched up her eyebrows at the end, as if she was thinking about something she did not really like.

"Lauren?" Bella guessed, surprising herself by giggling. She could never understand what caused that girl's animosity towards her. Angela just giggled and nodded her head in affirmation.

_**Saving grace saving grace saving grace saving grace**_

"You sure you want to do this, Bells?" Charlie asked while glancing up from his coffee. She seemed better after speaking with Angela last night, but the overprotective father in him did not want to let her leave the house. He knew better than most that in small towns like this the gossip would be all over the place and she would have to face it. When Renee left him it was the same way. To top that off, she was still in school and sometimes kids were just down right mean.

Swallowing her pop tart she looked up with a vague, "yeah, Char-, um, dad". She sighed heavily, looked him in the eye, and surprised him by saying, "Truth?"

He quirked and eyebrow at her, "Truth."

Getting her thoughts together, Bella looked for the right words to let her dad know what she was thinking. After Angela left she decided she had it with the lies and the secrets, unless it pertained to vampires or powers she would always tell the truth from now on. She couldn't do anything about that particular secret, but others just made her soul seem heavy. She craved a relationship with her dad, and she wasn't going to get it by hiding all of her feelings no matter how uncomfortable they made her feel.

"Honestly, I don't really want to go. But I think I NEED to."

"Why do you think that? If you want to wait a day or so for it to calm down and gather yourself together, that is okay with me."

"No, Dad, I really think I need to." She smiled at him, appreciating the affection that drove his response. "It might start to die down, but as soon as people see me it will start right back up. If I don't face it soon the gossip might get more out of control than it already is. And I need to face this. I can not run from my problems."

Pride radiated from the chief. "I am proud of you, Bells. That sounded more mature than half of the deputies I know."

They looked at each other, neither knowing what else to say. A knock on the door brought them out of the bonding moment, luckily before it turned too awkward. She would try to open up, but it would not be easy for either of them. "That's Angela. See you later." She picked up her coat and bag and scurried out the door. Angela was being a dear for picking her up and she did not want to cause her to be late.

"Good luck, Bells" Charlie whispered to the closing door.

_**Saving grace saving grace saving grace saving grace**_

**Yay! A chapter! Thank you for everyone who reviewed and added me to favorites or alerts. I hope to update sooner than last time, but can't make any promises that I don't want to have to break for unavoidable delays. Send reviews if you have them! If you see anything that needs to be fixed I'll try to do it as soon as it is brought to my attention.**

**So, the next chapter is the first day back at school. Can you imagine what it will be like? And she won't be as zombiefied (word?nah..) in this one, so unfortunately she will be noticing all of those whispers and looks. Any ideas for the reactions some of her friends should have when she is around them again? **


	4. Chapter 4

** Did you think I forgot about you? Well, I didn't! I just had a lot of real life going on, blah blah... pretty much the same excuse everyone has. Anyway, here is a new chapter! That's a win, right? **

** Oh- I of course own nothing, and if there are major typos in this it is because I am typing it up while watching college football, and the team I pull for is in desperate need of a new kicker!**

_Saving grace saving grace saving grace_

Bella's stomach flipped as they pulled into the school parking lot. Why did she think she could do this? Angela had kept her mind busy with pointless chatter on the way to school, but now that Bella could actually see the buildings and all of the kids wondering around the whole situation felt way too real.

"Bella?," Angela spoke softly. Bella turned her head to her friend to see Angela gazing gently at her over her glasses. "I want this to sound gently, and not harsh. I want you to know that I am your friend, and that although I might not be able to totally empathize with losing a whole family of people that I had attached myself to, I have broken up with boyfriends before. Keeping that in mind, try to remember that now is the time for us to learn and live, to make mistakes, and then to grow from them." Angela glanced outside the windshield looking intently at their classmates. Smiling, she looked back at Bella. "I also want you to remember that no matter how big or bad they seem, all of those people out there are in reality just teenagers like us, and if they haven't already went through heartache, they certainly will one day. Ten years from now what they think won't matter at all, if they are lucky the most they will be is a friend on your facebook page."

Shocked, Bella sat and contemplated Angela's words. Part of her was put out at the bluntness of her heartache, although logically it made absolute sense. No one else knew the complexities of secretly dating a vampire and wanting to become one of his vampire family. But, other than that, was her break up any different than Mike telling Jessica every other week that they were over? Those two even had to still see each other at school, watch them date other people, and a myriad of other things that she would not have to deal with since the Cullens moved away. Would she have been able to watch Edward pine over someone else? Watch their love blossom and his family appear to accept the new love as they seemed to accept her?

\ in that moment a new thought occurred to Bella. Maybe this all did really just stem from a typical teenage breakup, just on a grander supernatural scale. What if Edward really did just decide that they did not work together anymore, and this was the best way he knew of to break up? And the family, what if they all left and had to move because unlike a typical breakup the circumstances were totally different?

Was this really just a Mike/Jessica situation? Weren't there times that she had wished Jessica could just see the reality that maybe her and Mike were not meant to be together, and go on with her life without him?

Maybe, her and Edward were NOT meant to be together either.

And she was moping just like a regular teenage girl.

"Oh, my goodness! I am Jessica! I am acting just like Jess.." she breathed, finally voicing her thoughts out loud for Angela to hear.

Angela giggled. "Well, I wouldn't call you 'Jessica', after all, her and Mike break up at least twice a month, and occasionally twice a week!" Bella humphed, as Angela continued. "But I suppose in a way you are. Although from what I can tell this was your first relationship. I imagine that makes it harder to deal with."

Angela shuffled around to get more comfortable. "I do have one other thing to say. The people that might be upset at you will probably be more upset for the fact that you seemed to forget all of your friends when you started hanging around Edward and his family only. You just kinda brushed all of the rest of us off, and now that the Cullens are gone it will seem like you are falling back on what you think is really second best. The only thing that I can tell you is that you may need to be as patient with some of them as you would like them to be with you. Let them know that you are their friend. Kind of like I told you yesterday, basically just treat them the same way that you want them to treat you, even if that means ignoring them when they are less than pleasant and giving them grace when they act in ways they should not, or say something that they probably really do not mean."

Bella just sat the, utterly flabbergasted for lack of a better word. She stared at her friend. Many had accused Bella of being a middle aged person trapped in a teenager's body, but the depth of what  
Angela was telling her put Angela into a much more mature category than even herself.

"Angela, I don't, I mean... how do you know all of this? Listening to you and your perception of things is like listening to an episode of Dr. Phil or something. How did you get so wise at you age... OUR age?"

Angela bushed and looked away. "I wouldn't say I was Dr. Phil, although I bet he makes really good money," she laughed while she turned to wiggle her eyebrows at Bella, making her giggle as well. "however, the truth of the matter is that this is stuff I have learned through my parents. You know my dad is a pastor?"

Bella nodded, getting a new insight into her "new" old friend. She had always thought of Angela as her friend, but after the conversations they had the last two days, she wondered if she ever really knew her at all before this happened.

"Well," Angela continued, "part of his role there is helping people, counseling them in a way, and a lot of times my mom helps him or counsels others. Now, don't get me wrong, they have never shared any details or names with me because that would be a total breach of confidence. But a lot of times they will speak to me about certain issues that may come up, especially if it involves young girls, so that I would have good insight and judgment when I face those issues myself. I also know who I am, as my own person and in God's eyes, so I don't base my sense of worth in what someone else thinks of me or if they love or even like me. I am a package deal, they will either love all of me or they need to find a new package somewhere else."

Bella thought about what she said. It made sense. Maybe that's what she had been doing? Did she really think she was not worth anything just because a boy broke up with her? She had never been like this before Forks, why was she like this now?

Angela shifted and gained Bella's attention. "Now that all of that is said, do you feel like facing some snobby hormonal teenagers? After all, you are available now and therefore considered 'fresh meat'?"

Bella laughed; this time it was a real laugh and Angela joined in. The phrase 'fresh meat' seemed so wrong coming out of Angela's mouth, especially after she had just been contemplating how mature she was. She resolved to spend more time with Angela if it were at all possible. Never had someone made her feel so mature and so much like a normal teenager at the same time. Her laughter died down and she took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Come on, let's go!"


	5. Chapter 5

Saving Grace

Chapter 5

Jasper sat alone in his vast study at the Cullen house in Alaska. It really was a beautiful house, or mansion really. The three story home was set on the side of a mountain that looked out over a valley. A stream carved its way through the bottom of the valley. The different colors and textures created a feast for the eyes: the blue of the water, the green and purple of the wildflowers, and the white that capped the mountains and was echoed in the clouds above.

If the area itself had an emotion as people – and vampires- do, it would be peaceful. Tranquil, even.

A sigh rose out of Jasper as he sat his book down and walked over to the floor length window. This landscape captured the emotion he longed for, _craved_, most in the entire universe. Love was fleeting; happiness came and went, but to be able to have true contentedness? That was a prize he did not believe was achievable on this earth for any living being.

It sure had not been that way in this particular house. His gift- he actually preferred to think of it as extra sensory perception- allowed him to influence emotions, but it also gave him the ability to sense them. Sensing the emotions in this home over the past few weeks had him regarding his gift as much more of a curse.

It all stemmed from just one word... Bella.

_Bella_. This one teen, or young woman, had somehow managed to infiltrate the lives and emotions of everyone in the household. Not just Edward, who claimed to be in love with her, but also the rest of the family. It seemed as Jasper himself and Rosalie were the only ones not affected by her charms. However, even that was not true. Even though they did not directly get to know the girl, they benefited from her because of how happy and fulfilled she made their spouses. She filled a hole in their lives that they did not even realize existed.

Jasper's lips turned up into an involuntary smile as he thought about his wife. Bella was a best friend and new sister for Alice. Someone for her to share new experiences with that Alice had either missed in her human life, or simply could not remember due to her amnesia after the change.

He could understand Carlisle and Esme practically adopting her as another child- it was just in their nature to be so loving and compassionate to anyone who would let them. Not to mention anything that made Edward even remotely happy was okay with both of the parental figures. Jasper chuckled. Though the "parents" would never admit it, Edward was the classic golden child and first born that could do no wrong in their eyes.

Emmett's reaction to Bella had been a surprise to everyone. He behaved as stoic as Jasper and Rose in the beginning. However, once she started coming over there was an amazing change that took place in the big oaf. Apparently Emmett's need to feel strong and protective of his loved ones made becoming Bella's big brother almost too easy. Who knew that Emmett had such a need? But the feelings of familial love could not be misinterpreted. He really did view Bella as his little sister. In a way he thought of Alice as a little sister as well, but Bella was still a fragile human that could not defend herself- and Alice was anything but fragile, especially with the aid of her gift. The clumsy human made Emmett feel needed and loved on a whole different level than he ever had before.

That was when they were all together.

Then the fateful birthday party happened. Jasper closed his eyes from the view outside to replay the memories of that night in his mind. Looking back, he really thought that if no one else was feeling bloodlust then he might have been able to handle the burn...

He shook his head and gazed back out at the view. Looking back made absolutely no difference and did not change anything. It really did not change the fact that the family- minus Edward- were now in the middle of no where Alaska. Edward was attempting to track Victoria, who he claimed after all this time might be a threat to Bella after all. Jasper himself had mentioned this as soon as James was disposed of, but no one else seemed to believe him. For that reason alone Jasper was pretty sure this was just a diversion for Edward instead of an actual mission. Edward just wanted something to take his mind off of what was missing in his life, in their life.

And the missing piece, that so many of them claimed to love as family, was left alone without so much as a good bye. She was left thinking that they did not care for her at all.

They did nothing to disprove her thoughts.

No, the emotions in the house in Alaska did not match the serene landscape around it at all. That was why the family had gone hunting today without him. They were trying to give him some space, some time to work out the emotions that were his own without being influenced by the rest of the family's conflicting emotions as well. Jasper sighed as he walked over and sat back down in his chair. He picked up his book and began reading again while he waited for the rest of the family to get back from hunting.


	6. Chapter 6

Bella followed Angela into the cafeteria for lunch. The morning had gone pretty smoothly for the most part. She was beginning to think that she was making a much bigger deal out of everything than it really was, just like a typical teenager. Shaking her head, Bella realized that it took a breakup to make her finally start acting like a "real" teenager. Maybe she wasn't so middle aged after all.

Grabbing a plate of pizza and bottle of water, she sat down beside Angela at the table with the rest of their friends, or Angela's friends. She really didn't think she had been that friendly with them since… well, since Edward spoke to her.

"So Bella, did you feel the need to grace us with your presence since the Cullens aren't here?" Ok, so not everyone was pretending this was a normal day. Lauren's lovely voice cut through the regular chatter and everyone seemed to hush while waiting for her answer.

"Well, um." Bella hesitated, "I guess I did." She looked Lauren straight in the eye. "Is that okay with you, or should I go somewhere else?"

"How dare you come over here and act like you belong with us when as long as the Cullens were here you acted like we never even existed? And what is this about a search party being called out for you the other night? Did you get lost and your police dad over react? You just have to do anything you can to get attention, don't you? Well, where are your precious Cullens now? Are you going to have a long distance relationship? I hear that works out very well." Lauren smirked and crossed her arms over her chest seeming very pleased with herself.

Though it hurt, there was some truth to a lot of what Lauren said. But not ALL of it was true. For once in the time since she had been in Forks, Bella decided to stand up for what was right instead of just being a doormat. If it meant losing friends, well, after what she had been through lately she'd rather have one good friend than ten that were no good at all like Alice and Emmett.

Bella stood and picked up her tray and faced Lauren with her posture straight. "Lauren, I understand that some of what you say is true. I let the Cullens occupy all of my time, not only because Edward was my boyfriend, but also because Alice and Emmett were my friends. So yeah, now that all of my regular friends have moved away I am lonely, but that is not your problem, it is mine. Yes I got lost in the woods, and after a while my dad did what any good father would do and found people to help find me so I would be safe. I will admit that I never got to know a lot of you after I started spending time with the Cullen family, but I never once treated any of you badly either. So, if this is how you are going to treat me I would rather sit over there by myself than to deal with this every day. Have a good lunch." She walked over to an empty table near where the Cullens sat, settled down with her food and began to eat her lunch alone.

A bump on the table made her look up into the eyes of Angela. "You didn't think you were ditching me, did you?"

Bella smiled. "Well, I wasn't going to make you pick between the loser table and their table. Honestly Angela, you are doing so much for me, you don't have to eat with me if you want to sit with your other friends. It's ok."

"Bella, chill out, it's ok. I'll sit here today and I've got a feeling that we might both be able to sit over there tomorrow." Angela glanced toward the table Lauren was sitting at. Bella followed her line of vision and saw Mike and Jessica talking to a very red faced Lauren.

"I wasn't rude, was I? I usually never stand up for myself, and now after having done it I almost feel like I did something wrong."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I really think you did several things right. You might not remember what you said, but you admitted to having some fault in what all happened. That helps a lot when trying to make amends."

"Ok, if you say so. What she said really hurt, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of letting her know that. Everything she said I had already asked myself." She picked with the crust that was left of her pizza, then moved on to spinning the top from her bottle of water on the table. "Angela, how can you be with someone for a while, put all of your time and effort in to them, and they just leave you and act like it does not phase them at all? It kind of does make you wonder if you are worthless."

Angela placed her hand over Bella's to stop the spinning of the bottle top. "You are not worthless. Just because someone else doesn't see or tell you how much you are worth, does not make you not worth anything. It just means that they cannot see it, or cannot say it, or else they are lying about their own emotions to try to pretend not to be hurt as well."

Bella's breath hitched eyes shot to Angela's face, which was devouring a pizza in a very unladylike manner. "What was that last part?"

"Hmph?"

"I mean, after you don't have a mouth full of food, what was that last thing you said, about pretending not to hurt?"

Angela swallowed and took a drink. "Oh that. Well, a lot of people, especially guys, try to blow people off and act like they do not care, just so that no one will see how hurt they really are and how much they really do care. Kind of like a defense mechanism, I suppose. Why?"

Bella closed her eyes, leaned her head on the table and drew in a deep, shaky breath. She didn't know whether to be relieved or shattered. There was a chance, and a very good one, that Edward still loved her. That somehow, he was trying to not show how hurt he was, and that he left her. But why would he leave her?

She realized the answer as a solitary tear landed on the table.

For her own good. If he thought her life would be better without him, without the supernatural, without the constant threat of death every time she was around him or any of his family, yes, he would leave.

For her.

A new kind of ache settled into her heart. He never gave her a chance, never asked her opinion; he just left and made all the decisions for her. He even took his family with him. Who was supposed to help her navigate through this supernatural world that she alone knew existed?

Throughout the rest of her afternoon classes she barely responded, just thinking over everything she could piece together of what had happened and what he was probably thinking. It helped her heart heal a little to think he actually did care, even if it led him to do something as monumentally insane as she thought this was.

His decision, if her information was correct, also pointed out a huge flaw in Edward that she had either never seen before or simply refused to acknowledge. He made the decision FOR her, not WITH her. Even if he thought he was protecting her by deciding for himself and lying about his feelings, it showed to her a very controlling personality, one that she was not so sure she would have been able to live with.

As hard as it was to swallow, maybe it was best that he left and moved on. Eventually one day she probably would have become tired of his controlling ways if things continued down this same path, and she would not have been able to escape. Or by then would her mind have been so muddled that she even would have wanted to escape or simply stay with him, never having a mind or opinion of her own. Even if she did, would she have been too scared to leave? How safe would a girl feel after she broke up with a vampire? But none of this mattered.

He left her, so she was free.

He left her so she could live. However strange his decision was, or however painfully he carried it out, he did leave her for her own good. She would live.

Not for him.

For her.


End file.
